Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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