Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
