Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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