I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
