I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
