I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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