he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
