he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i think i just lost a toe
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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