I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
