Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The Olympian is in my bed
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