I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
