just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
