im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
