The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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