Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
