i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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