Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
