So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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