His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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