I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
