I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he thought i was a dude.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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