laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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