Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
