grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
