im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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