so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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