dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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