i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
