we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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