i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found puke in my bra..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
