considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
