While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
