omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
