Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
