There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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