Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
