A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
