No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize