Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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