Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
