I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize