i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
tell me about the eggs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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