If that was your dad, he is hot
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
