I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
