you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize