does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
