So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
