**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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