Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize