My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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