Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
