Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
