we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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