Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize