First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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