Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize