Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
