there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
